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Re: Theft Alarm Battery Dying
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Posted by Köötakner [Email] (more from Köötakner) on Wed, 27 Jul 2011 08:26:22 Share Post by Email
In Reply to: Re: Theft Alarm Battery Dying, Mattias.se, Wed, 27 Jul 2011 07:30:33
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Yes Matthias, as with the previous generation 9-5, there is a battery with approximately a 10 year life span, soldered in(!!!) to the circuit board of the theft alarm unit of the 9-3 (which, like the 9-5, is positioned between the firewall/driver's footwell and the front left wheelwell).

It is not that difficult to locate or remove - provided of course that you are awake, well-rested, not in a hurry, and that you and your car are located in a well-lit area, with all your automotive tools close at hand, and a jackstand is holding the front left wheel of your car off the ground... which is er, unlikely in the wee small hours of the morning, in pitch blackness.

When this battery is reaching the end of its lifespan, it helpfully lets you (and anyone and everyone else on your continent) know that it will soon need replacement by sounding the theft alarm -

- FOR random periods of time (1 second to several minutes - in my experience it tends to start off with longer bursts which grow shorter as the battery grows weaker) and

- AT random intervals (could be seconds, minutes, hours or even days apart - in my experience it tends to start off doing every few days, then moves to hours, and finally minutes)

- usually this begins at night, usually in the dead of night, almost inevitably when you, your loved ones, and others on the same continent as you are trying to sleep.

Naturally! Why on earth alert the owner via a discreet SID-based message when it can TRUMPET its imminent failure to the world at large.

"Hey there! Yes you! Listen to me! Over here! Hey my alarm is failing! Soon you will be able to *steal me* so that you too can enjoy the rich rewards of a motoring experience tempered by strange mystery glitches such as the one I am having RIGHT NOW!"

This dying alarm battery thing is very sneaky in that at first, it does not always go off long enough or frequently enough for those nearby to accurately gauge where the noise is actually emanating from - especially if your Saab is parked in among several cars and this has not happened to you before. I knew almost immediately, having gone through this before with my 9-5.

But if yours is the only Saab on your street/block of approximately 10 years of age, and an enraged, disshevelled neighbour appears at your residence, furiously ringing your doorbell and pounding on your door at 3 a.m., and gesticulating wildly at your car while his/her face grows redder and angrier by the second (or alternatiely, an unimpressed looking POLICE OFFICER, with one hand poised casually but obviously near his gun holster - presumably ready to shoot your car to put it out of your misery), it's a fairly safe bet that your car's failing alarm battery is the guilty culprit.

Profuse, sincere apologies, muttered utterances to neighbours about "car-by-IKEA", not-so-veiled references to Saab's automotive engineers having limited intellectual capacity about on a par with The Muppet Show's "Swedish Chef" and delivered-next-day gift baskets of, variously, - fruit, chocolates, flowers and/or wine will usually keep lawsuits and physical assaults at bay.

I would advise quick attention to this problem if you suspect this is happening to your car. You may be living near a sleep-deprived neighbour who possesses both firearms and major anger management issues. It is VERY stress-provoking for a Saab owner. I can only imagine what it must be like for those unfortunate innocents living near a Saab owner...

Worst design ever. Inexcusable on any level. (Keep in mind I LOVE my Saab dearly, almost, but not quite, unconditionally.)

posted by 70.50.223...

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