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A TOSSER’S STORY
You must read this to the end!!
Bear with this and read to the end.......
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day and you just need to
take it out on someone!!!
>Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone
you
DON'T know!!
>
>
>Chapter 1
>I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I
found the number and dialled it. A man answered nicely saying,
>"Hello?"
>I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to
Robin
Carter?"
>Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone
could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.
She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly.
>
>After I'd hung up, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my
desk.
I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I
yelled "You're a tosser!" and hung up.
>Next to his phone number I wrote the word "tosser" and put it in my desk
drawer.
>
>Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell,
>"You're a tosser!" It would always cheer me up.
>
>Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real
disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the tosser. Then one
day
I had an idea. I dialled his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made
up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm
just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?"
>He said, "No!" and slammed the phone down.
>I quickly called him back and said,
>"That's because you're a tosser!"
>
>The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if
there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it.
>Just dial 0171 823-4863.
>
>
>(Keep reading, it gets better!)
>
>Chapter 2
>
>An old lady at the shopping centre really took her time pulling out of the
parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car
began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed
up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought,
she's finally leaving.
>
>All of a sudden this black BMW came flying up the parking aisle in the
wrong direction and pulled into her space. I hit the horn and started
yelling,
>"You can't do that. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his BMW
completely ignoring me. He walked toward the shopping centre as if he
didn't
even hear me. I thought to myself, this bloke's a tosser.
>I then noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I
wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
>
>A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just got off
the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a tosser!" (It's
really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.)
>I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black BMW lying on my desk
and thought I'd better call him too. After a couple of rings someone
answered the phone and said, "Hello."
>
>I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
>"Yes, it is."
>"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
>"Yes, I live at 182 West Street, Ealing. It's a yellow house and the car's
parked out the front."
>I said, "What's your name?"
>"My name is Don Hansen."
>"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
>"I'm home in the evenings."
>"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
>"Yes,"
>"Don, you're a tosser!" And I slammed the phone down.
>
>After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dial. For a while
things seemed to be going better for me.
>Now when I had a problem I had two tossers to call.
>Then, after several months of calling the tossers and hanging up on them,
it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
>
>I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:
>First, I dialled tosser number 1. A man answered nicely saying,
>"Hello."
>I yelled "You're a tosser!", but I didn't hang up.
>The tosser said, "Are you still there?"
>I said, "Yeah."
>He said, "Stop calling me."
>I said, "No."
>He said, "What's your name, pal?"
>I said, "Don Hansen."
>He said "Where do you live?"
>I said "182 West Street, Ealing. It's a yellow house and my black BMW's
parked outside."
>"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
>"Yeah, like I'm really scared, tosser!" and I hung up.
>
>Then I called tosser number 2. He answered, "Hello."
>I said, "Hello, tosser!"
>He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
>"You'll what?"
>"I'll kick your ar$e."
>"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, tosser!" And I hung
up.
>
>Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 182
West Street, Ealing and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he
got home.
>I climbed into my car and headed over to West Street to watch the whole
thing.
>
>Glorious!
>
>Watching the two tossers kicking the cr@p out of each other before both
being arrested was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
posted by 212.190.1...
, Wed, 11 Sep 2002 11:11:04
, Wed, 11 Sep 2002 10:23:16
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