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Yes, I agree that the reach and withdraw that you talk
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Posted by KB88900T (more from KB88900T) on Thu, 28 Nov 2002 15:54:35 Share Post by Email
In Reply to: OT: PLEASE HELP!!!, Redmilk, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 14:06:19
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about is very powerful. If you always call her and are doing all the reaching, that is bullshit! A relationship is two-way and your withdraw will let her decide how much she likes you. If she doesn't reach to you then you are better off with some other girl that will actually care about you. If you have been together for 5 years then maybe you can still be friends if you relationship doesn't work out. I myself have had trouble continuing to be friends with my ex-girlfriends but some can do it. It is hard to be alone after you have been with someone so long but there are a lot of fish is the sea and there are many, many other women out there that will like you. Dating can suck but there are good places to meet nice girls. Avoid places where everyone is drunk if you want to find a serious girlfriend. My wife and I had several relationships with others before we met and after a two year break up in which I didn't return her phone calls, I finally called her back and we had really missed each other. We got back together and eventually got married. We were so relieved to already know each other. Since we have dated others, that allowed us to know what else is out there and to really appreciate what we have together. You say that she hasn't had other relationships and she may need to be in some others to be sure that she is happy with you. There is the risk that she may not come back but you can't and shouldn't stop her as long as she isn't mad at you about something. Sounds like she is just curious about this guy. Make sure you can both reach each other. Be happy that she didn't cheat on you. She has some morals. I have never had a girl cheat on me. Maybe because I didn't meet them in the bar. You may want to do some exploring eventually to. My wife and I both did this during our 2 year break up with no communication and we got back together and a year later we got married and now we have 2 kids and a strong marriage. We dated for about 4 years total so we were similar to yours. We got married at age 30 and 31 so we were ready to settle down as we had been through the dating scene with different partners. You had a 5 year relationship so you know each other well. If she comes back to you after she sees others you will have certainty that she really wants you now. If she comes back she will reach to you a lot more and your affection towards each other will be more evenly balanced. It sucks to be broken up but what can you do to be proactive. Let her know that you are not happy with this but that you will let her do what she needs to do because you care for her and you want her to be happy. You care about her and not just your own needs. If what you guys have is meant to be then it will work out. But she should know that you can't wait along time for her to decide and that you may find someone else and that she may be out of luck when she comes back to you. This is all common sense: respect each other and give freedom to each other. No one likes to be conrolled. Do your reach and withdraw with her. Give her the space that she needs to figure this out. You don't have to date but it might be good for you to take your mind off her. It hurts but you will get through it. A true relationship that will last has to be two-way. If your right for her she will come back to you. You may get depressed if you don't date some others eventually because you will just be thinking sbout her. If you really like her, wait a while and see what happens. Maybe you can be her confidant as she sees this guy if you make her comfotable enough but that would be hard to do.
Just treat her with respect and if your the one , she will respect you and not want to lose what she has with you and she will want you back.

Sorry for the long ramble. Also don't get drunk for a while as you may get really depressed from the alcohol and do something you might regret.

Best, KB.

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